No Sledging Please

You need to take care not to sledge people when you facilitate.

(Sledging is a sporting term in Australia.  I believe the US equivalent may be 'trash talk', but I could be wrong.  There are sure to be similar terms in other languages.  Sledging is when you talk in a nasty way to someone, often to cause them to lose their self-control and make mistakes.  Sledging is often passed off as joking; but I think this is overly generous when it is used in situations where 'losing your cool' can result in losing or failing.)

I believe that sledging while facilitating or in any kind of presentation situation is a sign of nervousness.  A case may be made for it being linked to low self-esteem, under-preparation or unmitigated disaster.  However, in each of these situations there are more functional ways of acting.

My admonition to take care not to sledge people when you facilitate seems pretty obvious, but many times we sledge the person who is most vulnerable at the time.  No, I'm not talking about the participant in the wheelchair, or the one with the speech defect, or the one who has verbal diarrhoea.  No, I am talking about you.  You are the most vulnerable person, as you are in no position to defend yourself once you start, and once you start, your nerves may push you to escalate the sledging.

So don't start.  And if you catch yourself doing it, stop.

...Geoff
www.performancepeople.com.au

Not Finishing Quite Yet; Maybe Never Finishing

Scribbling (all rights reserved)

Urgh.  I've been here for hours.  The chairs are not comfortable. I am not enjoying the session.   The topic is wandering.  I have a strong streak of super ego saying, 'stay, you made the commitment, now stay to the end'.  The time they published to finish is long past.  (No, not 5 minutes passed, although I thought Urgh at about that time too.  No, about 35 minutes past - which is a more than 25% overrun, and counting.)  I actually need to do other things, even if my diary is blank for the next few hours.  The air is stuffy.  And they just keep going.  Why me?  Why now?

OK.  Let's get some perspective here.  All over the world there are people genuinely suffering.  I attended a school where speech night tended to go into the wee small hours.  This is good practice if I am ever approached to do a part (or worse, understudy) in 'Waiting for Godot'.  I could pull out my phone and catch up on email/Plants vs Zombies.  I could do Latin declensions in my head (if I'd paid attention at school).  I can continue to catalogue the body language of the other participants.  I could even pay attention, although I seem to be doing that, and it is not sufficiently interesting to dominate my attention.  I could doodle another 5 pointed star.  I could close my eyes, just for a moment.  No!  Don't close my eyes.  That would definitely be a mistake, compounded by my head rolling about on my shoulders, or crashing to the table.

1. Why can't they offer to let people go (if they need to go)?
2. Why can't they tell us what else they are going to do?
3. Why can't they tell us how much longer they expect to go?
4. Why can't they apologise for going past the published finish time?
5. Why can't they ask permission to keep going?
6. Why can't they start to wrap-up?
7. Why can't they suggest that we reconvene in a couple of days?
8. Why can't they ask whether a small number of people would like to reconvene in a couple of days?
9. Why can't they call a break so the ones who have to go are not embarrassed to get up and leave?
10. Why can't they finish?  Just finish.

These bullet points are not the result of a rambling mind.  (Well, maybe they are a bit.)  They are your choices when you go over the allotted time.  Whether you allotted it or someone else did, you are still responsible for the consequences of going over time.  So check the list and take appropriate action.  If you cannot or are unwilling to do the last one, do at least three of the others - any three, just make sure that they are relevant.  And if you do some things that result in us keeping going, make sure you keep it interesting and clearly on-topic, and that you finish soon.

Thank-you,

...Geoff
www.performancepeople.com.au

Just Plain Lost?

Lost your place?
Lost your way?
Uncertain of how to continue?
Lost confidence in the agenda?
Feel like you are blundering about?
Lost people's attention?
Just plain lost?

This will sometimes happen.  Sometimes you have something like 'writer's block'; other times you may have been inadequately briefed, or inadequately prepared.  Or you may have inadvertently strayed into a topic you are not prepared or able to deal with.

When this occurs you have a number of choices.  Consider:

• Pausing and telling yourself it will all be OK in your most convincing voice, then continuing.
• Suggesting it is time to take a short break to stretch legs/get some fresh air.
• Starting an off-the-cuff exercise, as a whole room, in small groups, or individually.
• Asking a question of the group that is on-topic.
• Asking someone to make a specific contribution.
• Breaking early for morning tea/lunch/afternoon tea/dinner/the day.
• Looking around the room for someone who can rescue you.
• Coming clean and stating that you are not sure where to go from here, and asking for suggestions.

You might be surprised to find that the last of those listed above can actually work; particularly if you are working with people who are switched on and appreciate the challenges of facilitating in the situation you are in.  It is not unusual for someone to speak up, and have a useful suggestion.

I do not suggest:

• Telling a joke.
• Dropping your notes on the floor to buy time.
• Pretending to hear voices.
• Running screaming from the room.

But there are likely to be situations in which even these approaches are OK.

...Geoff
www.performancepeople.com.au